It's common to hear that you shouldn't reinforce a dog's fear by comforting them when they're scared. However, this is an incredibly damaging myth that could be making your dog's fears, and their fearful behaviour, even worse. If you want to learn more about helping your nervous dog, let me start by telling you a story.
I lost the use of my right leg a few years ago. It buckled out from underneath me, and I couldn't put weight through it. I was then ferried in and out of A&E for weeks on end, whilst the doctors tried to figure out what was wrong.
I was terrified.
But something really helped me with that fear, and that was feeling like my (now) husband was right there in the trenches with me. That he recognised how scared I was, and still sat with me and held my hand.
Him doing this didn't make me scared of doctors or of going to hospital - it did the opposite. Knowing he was there to support me made me braver, and I felt like everything was going to be okay.
The same is true for our dogs.
When our dogs are scared, we should be there to support them. We should be there to tell them everything is going to be okay.
But doesn't comforting your scared dog reward the fearful behaviour?
There's a myth that likes to circulate in dog-owning circles. I've heard it repeated hundreds of times over the years: in pubs, in the vets, and in the run-up to firework season. And when I first started out working with dogs, I believed it too.
That myth says that we shouldn't reassure a scared dog: that reassuring them just makes them more scared, and confirms that there's something worth being scared of.
But I've learned something over my years of helping nervous dogs and their people: if we DON'T support our dogs, we're telling them that we won't show up for them when they need us. And if this is the message we're telling our dogs, we can end up down some horrible paths.
What happens if you don't reassure your scared dog?
If we leave our scared dogs to deal with their fears by themselves, we can create all sorts of issues.
In the short term, they stay scared. If they can just about cope with this fear, they get through it, but that fear gets worse. If they can't cope with that fear, it may become a traumatic event for them - leading to other fears, anxieties, and inappropriate behaviours.
In the long term, we're pushing them away from a secure relationship with us, and into an anxious or avoidant one. This means they're less likely to trust us, and more likely to experience problem behaviours, including reactivity and separation anxiety.
How can I help my scared dog?
There's lots you can do to support your dog when they're feeling scared, nervous, or anxious.
Comfort them. Sit with them, place your hands on them (if they like that), talk to them. Remind them that everything is going to be okay.
Create a safe space. Build a den with lots of blankets and make it comfy. Leave the door to this space open, so they can come and go freely.
Minimise their perception of the scary thing - remembering to go through all of the senses. For example, if you're expecting fireworks to scare your dog:
minimise the visual component, by closing the curtains and keeping your lights on
drown out the audio component, by playing white noise in the background.
if you're particularly close to fireworks being let off, also consider how your dog may smell them, or how the vibrations may impact them.
Promote calmness and emotional processing, by facilitating sniffing, licking and chewing.
Consider herbal remedies, such as valerian or ashwagandha. Brands such as Pet Remedy and Adaptil offer commercial concoctions.
Consider short-term 'situational' medications from your vet.
If your dog has more generalised anxieties, consider long-term medications from your vet in combination with a behaviour modification plan from an accredited Clinical Animal Behaviourist.
Remember, your love and support can make a significant difference in your dog's life. By providing comfort and reassurance, you can help your anxious dog feel more secure and confident.
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